Don't Want to Miss Anything

So, about 4 and a half years ago when I became a mom to Nikita, I was so sad at how much I had missed. He was almost five years old, and although I had known him since he was one, I still felt sad at all that I had missed: his birth, his first step and word and just him being him for the first 4 years and 10 months of his life. I was really grateful for the time that I had been able to spend with him, but I had this weird regret about the time that I had missed, as if it had been my fault somehow that I hadn't been there.

Then after a few years, I realized that I had been spending so much time regeretting all the time that I had missed before we got him, that I had missed his life since then. Then we had Noah and the same thing started to happen. I was always living in the past, regreting "missing stuff." Even when I got pregnant with Eli, I told Andre that I wasn't going to miss it this time. I wasn't going to take it for granted.  

Well, I sit here today, and I realize that by regreting, I'm missing out on today. If I live my whole life in the past, I won't live my life, and that's how I can really miss stuff. My boys are growing, each day they're learning more and getting bigger. Although Nikita doesn't need my help to take a bath anymore, he still wants me to help him with his homework. Although Noah is going to be starting pre-school and will have his own thing now, he still says that I'm Sally and that he's McQueen. Although I missed taking newborn pictures of Eli (I hear you're supposed to do it before they're 10 days old.) I still get to smell that wonderful baby smell when we cuddle.

I refuse to regret anymore. I will not be robbed of today by regretting the past. I love my boys, and they deserve my whole heart today and everyday. May God give me the strength to live in the present.