August 15th, 2009 was the date of the Eric Sickels Memorial Golf Tournament. This was an event to commemorate the life of my big brother and to enjoy the other people that also loved him very very much. Our family from Florida even flew to Iowa to be there. It was a wonderful surprise. We truly have the best family in the world.During that time in August, I began to think about something seemingly unrelated. Are we going to have family pictures? You see, before Nikita came to live with Andre and me, my side of the family got some family pictures taken. Nikita was not there. My mom told me that we were not going to get another family picture taken until we were "all together." So, now what? Nikita is here. But we are not "all together."
After the unexpected death of a person so close, you begin to have to make a new "normal" for your life. You have to adapt. I must say, some days I don't want to adapt. But as we move forward, I realize that we will get our family picture taken at some point. God is still God and He's with us always, and Eric is too in some way.
On October 16th, 2008, my big brother passed out of this world and into the next. In August, we celebrated a life that encompassed so many wonderful adjectives like devoted, caring, loving, hard-working, smart, passionate, and many more.
As we turn the calender to October 2009, I can safely say that I'm not sure how I feel. There have been days when I don't really think about him much. And there are days that I ache with the pain that I will never see him on earth again. There is much that he will miss and many times that I will feel there's just something missing.
However, in the midst of all of this, I think about the movie Rudy. I think about how no matter what, that little guy kept going. When he almost quit, others came along beside him and pushed him forward. In the end, he was the only Notre Dame football player to ever be carried off the field. He persevered. And by golly, so will we! We will continue to love, we will continue to live, we will continue to believe that God is good and that He loves us more than we can imagine. What has happened is so awful, but it will not overtake us. Oh, may God make some thing really good out of all of this. He will. He will.
4 comments:
He will. We all miss Eric tremendously and we all try to find ways to express ourselves and the void that exists in our lives. We will always miss him but we will never doubt Him. God will watch over us as he has taken Eric into his arms to comfort him.
I loved hearing how you are doing as you process Eric's loss. I'm sure it is especially hard as the one year mark is drawing near. I'm glad you, Andre, Nikta and Noah are able to be in Iowa with your family during this time. What a blessing. Let me know if you make it to Ames. I would love to hang out! Love you!
Lyndsey I remember when Eric lived with us while he was doing an internship at ISU. He was a very quiet young man who worked very hard. He was also a very generous young man to us,especially when it was time for him to move on from Iowa State. We were happy to have him in our home for a short time.
I know you will miss Eric for years to come. My dad passed away when I was 15 years old (40 years ago) and there are days still that I miss him. It just makes heaven a little sweeter doesn't it.
Well said Lindsey. And yes, often times in life we must find our "new normal". God never said we would understand this life in fact he so many times tells us we simply must TRUST HIM. It is very clear how much your family misses Eric but it is also evident that you all that TRUST in God. So often when I see pictures of Eric as an adult I see the little innocent boy we watched grow up in CF, and I can't help but envision that same innocence in Eric rejoicing in heaven! Our wishes to the entire Sickels family for a Blessed Christmas and safe travels to the Kravtson family for safe travels in January!
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