So, life kind of gets going, and sometimes one doesn't live up to their blogging responsibilities. That "one" would be me. A lot has happened since our last post. I went to the States with Noah, we moved out of our 5 room apartment and into a one room house (one room and kitchen), and a lot of ministry has been done.
BUT, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I've just finished reading a friends blog who is pregnant and in the 9th month. She is so excited about her baby, but a little sad to be done with pregnancy. Then there's another couple who are adopting and their baby was just born. They got to hold it and everything in the hospital, and I cried as I read the emotions that they felt. Then there are other friends/ acquaintances with their blogs and facebook pages just gushing about their joy in parenting and their overwhelming love for their newborn.
My point in mentioning all of this is the fact that I feel like I missed something. I wasn't paying attention or I wasn't grateful enough for the amazing gift that God was giving me. Our life got going too fast, and I missed it. I was not super happy after Noah was born. I had a lot trouble nursing, and it was hard to enjoy anything in the middle of an Ukrainian winter with a newborn that you didn't have the faintest idea of what to do with.
Then there's Nikita. I wasn't there at all. I was in America, finishing up my freshman year of college oblivious to the fact that a baby boy was being born half-way around the world that would someday be mine and call me mama.
BUT, in the midst of all this somewhat sad, regretful retrospection, I realize that God can make it all good. He has given me these two amazing boys to take care of, and I'm so grateful. I guess, it's never too late to be grateful.
I just hope that someday, I will get a chance to be pregnant again, to see the face of a newborn that has come from Andre and myself and have another chance to be grateful from the start. It might still be hard, but I'll do my best not to miss it this time.
BUT, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I've just finished reading a friends blog who is pregnant and in the 9th month. She is so excited about her baby, but a little sad to be done with pregnancy. Then there's another couple who are adopting and their baby was just born. They got to hold it and everything in the hospital, and I cried as I read the emotions that they felt. Then there are other friends/ acquaintances with their blogs and facebook pages just gushing about their joy in parenting and their overwhelming love for their newborn.
My point in mentioning all of this is the fact that I feel like I missed something. I wasn't paying attention or I wasn't grateful enough for the amazing gift that God was giving me. Our life got going too fast, and I missed it. I was not super happy after Noah was born. I had a lot trouble nursing, and it was hard to enjoy anything in the middle of an Ukrainian winter with a newborn that you didn't have the faintest idea of what to do with.
Then there's Nikita. I wasn't there at all. I was in America, finishing up my freshman year of college oblivious to the fact that a baby boy was being born half-way around the world that would someday be mine and call me mama.
BUT, in the midst of all this somewhat sad, regretful retrospection, I realize that God can make it all good. He has given me these two amazing boys to take care of, and I'm so grateful. I guess, it's never too late to be grateful.
I just hope that someday, I will get a chance to be pregnant again, to see the face of a newborn that has come from Andre and myself and have another chance to be grateful from the start. It might still be hard, but I'll do my best not to miss it this time.
1 comment:
have grace with yourself. you were present as much as you were able to be at the time. i wonder what enjoying the present looks like now. i hear such regret and disappointment in your words. i'm glad you shared the truth of your insides.
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